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When “I” Becomes “We”

Moving from “I” to “we” requires a shift in perspective and energy. Being an authentic couple is an evolution. People rarely consider what is required to include another person in your overall life.

Love songs tell us that love is woven by the fingers of destiny. From poetry we learn that love is an ever‑elusive intangible that wafts in like a wisp of smoke and disappears just as capriciously. Friends may tell us that finding love is all about timing, yet billboards imply that the secret to finding everlasting love is driving a sexy car, wearing the right jeans, or having pearly‑white teeth, fresh breath, and great‑smelling hair. It can be quite confusing. Yet the real secret to finding authentic love lies not in your medicine cabinet, nor in the hands of fate or time. It resides in your own consciousness.

Before you proceed down the road of choosing to partner or not, it helps first to understand exactly what a true partnership is. A partnership is a union between two entities. Partnerships of any kind are formed when both people believe that greater benefit lies in uniting energies, talents, and resources than in remaining separate.

In the love arena, partnerships occur when two people come together to create a new reality. As both people move toward each other and connect in the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual realms, they begin to move from separate “I” realities into a combined “we” reality, in which both “I’s” contribute to the greater “we.” Neither “I” is obliterated; both are simply augmented and enhanced by the chemical fusion with the other. Becoming a “we” reality means that you form a team whose intent is to travel through life together as a united force.

There are pros and cons to partnering. It can cause both positive and negative changes in your life and requires that you find ways to balance these polarities. The positive side is, of course, the hearts and flowers that you see in the movies and read about in romance novels. It is the wonderful rush of adrenaline that falling in love brings, the giddy feeling of being adored, the butterflies that flutter in your stomach when you hear your beloved’s voice, and the warm rush of security you feel when he or she smiles at you from across a crowded room.

For most people, the main advantage is that you will no longer be alone, since you will have someone with whom you can spend your time and share the journey of life. Having a partner comes with some wonderful benefits: you have someone to love you, to give you attention, to take care of you, to act as your companion, to fulfill your sexual needs and desires, to do things with you, and to generally make life more fun. Partnering can provide support when you need it, encouragement when you are fearful, and empowerment when you have lost your belief in yourself. At its most elevated, a partnership can be a sacred bond in which you can share your inner most secrets, admit your weaknesses, grow in new and astonishing ways, and weave together your hopes and dreams.

The downside of partnering is the mirror opposite of its main benefit: You will no longer be alone. If you are no longer alone, that means you are also no longer on your own. You are no longer a stand‑alone entity. You will need to deal with differences between you and your partner‑‑in style, pace, modes of communicating, habits, and preferences. You have to deal with everyday life issues that accompany another person. Your partner, after all, has ideas, feelings, aspirations, habits, quirks, and issues that need to be given the same respect as you give your own.
In other words, you need to make room in your life for another human being. When making choices and decisions, you will have to consider another person; you cannot just do whatever you want whenever you want without considering the other person’s wishes. You will need to confer on everything from how much room you take up in the bed to how to spend your money. You must be willing to make adjustments so that both you and your partner can be happy.

What is your immediate response when I say “Finding love is up to you”? Do you believe you have the power within yourself to attract and find the kind of love you want? If you do, then by all means skip this rule and go on to Rule Three. If, however, any part of you thinks that finding love is not within your personal control or power, then you might want to read on a bit more.

Love does not “just happen.” It needs to be created in much the same way you would create anything else. Let’s imagine you wanted to make a meal. You might begin by thinking about what it is that you want to eat. Then you would assess how much time you have and what you could make within that period of time, decide what to make, take steps to secure the ingredients, follow the recipe, and then eat.

You wouldn’t just sit in your kitchen wishing a meal would somehow magically appear. The process is not so different when it comes to love; love is also created from your imagination, intention, and deployment. Many mistakenly have thought that just wanting love is the same as seeking love.

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