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Time Management

Time management is not something you are born with. I used to be a terrible time manager and I have learned to be extremely effective time manager. Before we address effective Time Management, let’s
address the most common time gobblers.

They are:
1. Lack of planning or prioritizing
2. Telephone interruptions
3. Disorganization or cluttered desk
4. Procrastination
5. Drop-in visitors
6. Lack of self-discipline
7. Ineffective delegation
8. Unrealistic expectations
9. Inability to say, “No”
10. Leaving tasks incomplete

Some people resist planning because they want to use their free time to relax; they want to go with the flow, being spontaneous, avoiding structure, and believing that they know everything they have to do because it is stored in their head. Here are some tips:

1. Plan your day the night before
2. Take time to plan your time
3. Schedule appointments with yourself
4. Evaluate your effectiveness at the end of each day
5. Breakdown large projects into small tasks
6. Use small pockets of time to your advantage
7. Take small projects to do while you wait
8. Implement weekly, monthly, quarterly changes

If you allow for telephone interruptions, here are some solutions…
1. Ask someone else to answer the phone
2. Screen your calls with caller ID
3. request that people e-mail you instead
4. Determine what you will and won’t address
5. Take only calls that relate to your To Do List
6. Allow for emergencies, don’t plan on them!

If you have a disorganized or a cluttered desk here are some solutions…
1. Eliminate piles
2. Make your own policy about incomplete projects
3. validate yourself every time you throw something out
4. set aside time to organize and purge
5. Encourage filing regularly
6. validate each time you exhibit the new desirable behaviors
7. Before you leave the office each day, clean your desk

Procrastination is one of the most common time gobblers. Here are some solutions…
1. Always start with something easy
2. Do what you’re avoiding first
3. Eliminate all distractions
4. Just do it!
5. Set reasonable short-term objectives
6. Promise a reward when the project is done
7. Set a deadline date and stick to it
8. Stop reinforcing the behavior you want to change
9. Start reinforcing the behavior you want to ingrain

Do you allow visitors to dictate your day? Here are some helpful solutions…
1. Create clear boundaries
2. Give people an alternative time that works to talk to you
3. Place a high value on your time
4. Risk disapproval
5. Sequester yourself
6. Be ruthless with your own satisfaction

Do you have a lack of self-discipline? Here are some solutions…
1. Hold yourself accountable
2. Provide rewards or consequences
3. Give pats on the back to reinforce behaviors
4. Build your self esteem

Try these effective delegation techniques. Here are some solutions…
1. Select jobs to be delegated
2. Organize the information
3. Select the right person for the job
4. communicate with clarity
5. Provide full disclosure
6. set expectations
7. invite feedback
8. monitor and follow up
9. Encourage, guide, direct, and provide feedback

Do you set unrealistic expectations?

Tell yourself the whole TRUTH. Then you need to build in a cushion on top of that truth. Your issue is that you imagine the best and don’t anticipate the “stuff” that happens, like traffic, accidents, other people being late or missing deadlines. If you imagine that you live in a perfect world think again… Always anticipate what could go wrong and then factor in that possibility. If it doesn’t happen you’re ahead of the game!

Try these realistic expectations…
1. Only list what you CAN get done
2. Accurately assess the time factor in traffic, parking, etc.
3. Create a buffer zone for the unanticipated
4. Take charge of things working out to your advantage

Do you have trouble saying “No?”
Do you have one specific person who always asks you to do something for them, and they say, “Oh it will just take a few minutes…” and you believe them AGAIN and AGAIN!
Here are some solutions:
1. Start getting what you want
2. Create boundaries
3. Get your projects and tasks accomplished
4. Manage your satisfaction
5. Reinforce your self esteem

Do you start and have trouble completing tasks? Here are some solutions…
1. Make a completion policy with yourself
2. Reinforce your self-confidence
3. Validate your self-worth regularly
4. Build your credibility with others
5. Become ruthless with yourself

If you follow the steps, you will get the results
Old patterns will need to be broken to ensure success.
Do one thing differently, and then reward yourself. Remember, 21 repetitions will change an old habit
into a new behavior pattern. Start today.

If you want to provide your employees with an online outstanding Time Management program go to: www.mmsvt.com and subscribe.

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Recognizing Opportunities

Excerpted from: If Success Is a Game, These are the Rules,

And written by: Chérie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.

There are two kinds of opportunities in life: the glaring obvious ones and the hidden ones. The obvious ones are things like the promotion for the job you have been seeking, a marriage proposal from the person you love and want to spend your life with, or an apartment offered in the city where you have always dreamed of living. There are obvious opportunities that you can’t miss, because they are delivered to you in neon lights.

The second type of opportunity is not obvious and requires that you look beneath the surface. These are the ones you need to root around a bit to find. For instance, when your company merges with another and new positions are available. Perhaps you hear in passing that a business you are interested in is opening a branch office in a city close to your home. A friend invites you to go whitewater rafting on a river you have never seen. These opportunities require a little more exploration and excavation. These are the ones that make you say “Hmm. Maybe…”

The universe is constantly in flux. Change is a constant. Changes can occur in your private life or far away on the front page of the newspaper. With every change that occurs around you, an opportunity is presented. Usually it is buried beneath the surface, but if you are willing, you can excavate it.

Dave worked as an editor at a feature magazine. He liked what he did but wished he had more time to pursue his primary love, which was writing. One afternoon his boss called him into his office and handed him a story about a local true crime case with some fascinating twists and turns and asked him to research it. Dave took the story back to his desk and was immediately engrossed. As he worked on the story, he kept getting a needling feeling that this was a doorway to some sort of opportunity for him.

Dave didn’t sleep a wink that night. He tossed and turned as he wrestled with his thoughts. In the morning, as he was brushing his teeth, the message came through to him loud and clear: He wanted to contact the people involved in the story and write a book about it. It was an incredible tale, and he knew he could do an excellent job with a book. He knew he had the talent to do this, and since he kept up with true-crime books, he was fairly certain that it would be a marketable project.

Dave went to his boss the next day and told him of his plans. His boss supported the decision, although it would mean Dave would have to take an unpaid leave of absence. Within three months, Dave found a publisher for the book and is not spending all his time doing what he loves to do: writing.

This was one of those opportunities that did not come delivered on a silver platter. No one said to Dave, “Would you like to write a book about this story?” nor did anyone hold up a sign that said, “You should write a book about this.” It took a willingness on Dave’s part to peer beneath the surface of his everyday life and find an opportunity amid the daily events.

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The Power of Wanting

Excerpted from: If Success Is a Game, These Are the Rules,

and written by: Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.

When you want something – really want it – there is an internal hit that goes off inside you that responds “yes.” That impulse is as strong when you are five years old reaching for a toy as it is when you are fifty reaching for your dream home. The energy that is unleashed in that moment of desire creates one of the most powerful and magnetic forces in the universe.

When I was 21 years old, my then-husband and I knew we wanted to backpack around the Hawaiian Islands after graduation. We both deeply wanted to take this trip, to explore the raw and astonishing wonders of Hawaii that no tour bus could ever reach. We wanted to give ourselves the chance to live off only that which we could carry on our backs, to connect with the greater world of nature. Real life was upon us, and we wanted to pause and take a moment to have an experience like this before turning our attention to careers and the business of building a life.

I wanted this adventure so much that I would have done almost anything to make it happen. Despite limited funds and the disdain and protests of some family members, Bill and I strapped on our backpacks and went. The three months we spent exploring hidden caves, meeting indigenous people and learning about the ancient customs, eating fruit we picked with our own hands, and swimming in secluded grottos remains one of my most precious memories. The success of making that trip a reality was among the sweetest I have ever known, I doubt, however, that it would have happened if we had operated from a sense of “it would be nice to backpack in the Hawaiian Islands, wouldn’t it?”

Think of a moment, sometime in your life that you knew with every fiber of your being that you wanted something. It could be a particular trip, or a specific relationship, or even a piece of your grandmother’s famous cheesecake. Would you have moved the heavens to attain your wish?

Wanting is a deep desire that emanates from within you. It defies reason, logic, and rational thought. An undeniable feeling, yearning for something special emerges as a flash of how things might be. Fleeting albeit, the feeling is clearly undeniable. Whether the impulse is to redecorate your bathroom, take a trip, or close a deal, “wants” are moments of inner truth. They are the secrets of the soul.

Wants whisper without license. Out of a hidden place, a want will blurt the dare-not-say secret tucked away from view. Flashes of desire might create adverse effects because a “want” will push you to risk. Wants ask you to move out of your comfort zone and do something different. A ticket to a new adventure, wants are sure to bring both challenge and change.

Want vs. Need

My friend Adrienne once remarked how much she liked a particular pen I own. It is a special ergonomically designed pen that makes writing by hand more comfortable, and it’s therefore slightly more expensive than ordinary ones. When I suggested to Adrienne that she get one of these pens, since she, as a journalist, often writes by hand, she recoiled and said, “but I don’t need it.”

“Yes,” I said, “but do you want it? I know you don’t need it, but I asked about wanting. What happens to your wants?”

Adrienne had no response other than the one she had been programmed to give her entire life: if she doesn’t need something, then she can’t have it. Her “wants” are disqualified as extraneous, unnecessary and superfluous.

Many people, like Adrienne, operate from a place of need. Getting their needs as opposed to their wants met is drilled into their psyches from a very early age. Somewhere along the line, they received the subtle but corrosive message that wanting is selfish, unnecessary, indulgent and frivolous. As a result, they come to believe that they should only fill their lives with those things that they need. Because “wants” to them, are extraneous luxuries that they somehow came to believe they did not deserve, they feel intense guilt whenever they allow themselves to fulfill their desires. As a result, when they do experience feelings of desire, in order to avoid the guilt feelings, they either deprive themselves, or convince themselves that they actually need what they want. They rationalize their want and turn it into a need in order to justify getting it.

The basic difference between a want and a need is that needs come from a place of insufficiency, whereas wants come from a place of sufficiency. When we need something there is a distinct absence. When we want something, we reach for something to augment or complement what we already have. Needs, of course, must be met for basic survival. But wants, also, must be met when appropriate for the sake of your happiness.

When you know what you want, and you give yourself permission to have it thereby fulfilling your desire, there is a release of delight and power that validates you as a person. This validation nourishes your self-trust, your self-confidence, your intuition, your basic belief in yourself. This reinforcement affirms your identity, your inner knowing and your reality. Each time this cycle occurs, it strengthens your authentic self.

This does not mean that you have free license to behave in unethical, immoral or illegal ways simply because you “want” something. It doesn’t mean that your desires can operate freely without any checks, balances or consequences. It does mean that within the parameters of the legal system, the cultural mores and intending to do the right thing, honoring your true wants will reinforce your belief in yourself. Assuming your desires are not harmful to yourself or anyone else, and that they are aligned with good intention, there is no reason why you should have to deny yourself the feeling of wanting something. Nor should you deny yourself the opportunity to go out there and succeed in getting it.

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Challenging Mediocrity

Excerpted from: If Success Is a Game, These are the Rules,

And written by: Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.

There is a point of view that claims “Life is not a bowl of cherries” and, as the classic Rolling Stones song says, “you can’t always get what you want.” It is a whole paradigm that people buy into as a way to accept mediocrity in their lives and rationalize not striving for more.

That paradigm is in direct opposition to three basic assumptions I Have about people and their ability to succeed:

1. People have their own answers within themselves regarding what will make them happy.

2. They possess the personal power to cause those inner answers to become reality.

3. Anyone can have life be the way they want it.

These three assumptions, when held up against the negative paradigm, can feel either empowering or intimidating, depending on what you believe you deserve and which set of assumptions you operate from.

Whichever basis you come from affects the filter through which you perceive reality. If you subscribe to the negative, that is what you’ll get. Argue for your limitations and eventually they will win. If you subscribe to the positive assumptions, however, you have a far greater capacity to catapult yourself higher toward your natural place up in the stars.

You can deem yourself successful whether you get the bowl of cherries or convince yourself you are content with just the pits. The real question, however, is: Will you be fulfilled by a bowl of pits?

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Mindful Choices

We all have choices. Even if we think we have no options, we always have subtle choices like how to treat strangers. The choice of how to interact with friends, the environment, and even ourselves are all options over which we can exercise our choice to avoid, neglect, reject, abuse, honor, or cherish. These choices can be applied to our relationships with family, friends, and work associates, to the way we treat our possessions, or to the way we interact with the Earth…which is our home. The choices we make may seem inconsequential, as if they only affect ourselves, however, every choice we make has a ripple effect and creates far-reaching consequences that impact not only those in close proximity to us, but also those who will follow in our footsteps…future generations…whom we will never even meet.

Like the existential question, “If a tree falls in the woods, and no one hears it, does it make noise?” the question, “If your actions affect a person from the future, does it matter and should you care?” Everyday we can observe people littering city streets, tossing plastic cups or cigarettes from car windows, or discarding soft drink cans on remote mountain trails. It may offend our aesthetics, assault our values, or irritate our ethics, but we have little control over people who don’t see the point or simply just don’t care.

Conventional wisdom says that you will do unto others what was previously done to you. So if you were respected, you will know what that feels like, and you will in turn respect others. If you have been abused, you will in turn abuse others. The pattern of behavior from recipient to perpetrator is one that belies any conscious choice. With awareness comes the opportunity to choose. People can be held accountable for their actions by coming to terms with their past, choosing a different course, and by doing so, alter their future. If we hold this to be true, then we must ask ourselves the question, “What will it take for us to stop abusing our dear mother, our precious Earth upon which we live?”

Singapore succeeded in creating a litter-free environment by imposing stringent consequences on those who abuse the privileges. It worked in Singapore and when you walk the streets you notice how clean and litter-free the environment is. One can lament the fact that sanctions need to be imposed to enforce a standard, but some people interpret “freedom” as their right to clutter and leave unsightly messes. Should the government act like a parent disciplining unruly children? Should there be consequences to damaging our environment?

We live our lives discarding, disposing, and dumping unwanted, unnecessary, and undesirable items. We often think of the Earth as the universally forgiving receptacle that can and will receive all of our discards and reintegrate them into the texture of her skin. She is expected to simply take whatever we “dish out” without objecting, complaining, or retaliating. She is “supposed” to be the all-loving, long-suffering, benevolent mother who loves her children unconditionally. It is interesting to consider that cigarette butts can take up to 12 years to decompose, plastic bags up to 20 years, aluminum cans up to 100 years to degrade, glass bottles 1 million years, and plastic bottles may never ever decompose or biodegrade. Does this mean that we are creating “planet garbage” and ultimate will need to find another place to live? Sustainabie disposal of any product requires that its wastes return to the earth and are able to biodegrade. Crude oil, for example, will biodegrade in its natural state, but once it is turned into plastic, it becomes an unsustainable non-integratable problem. Is there anyone responsible to approve of products that can and should ultimately biodegrade? The answer is, “No.” That is not a high enough priority…yet.

Littering may be the least crime to the environment, what about those corporations that intentionally pollute our water, land, and air? You could argue that the government and the EPA are responsible to ensure that our natural resources are protected, but what about those government agencies that can be bought with corporate funds for the price of campaign contributions? What about the coal slurry in Appalachia (60 minutes April 12) that created an environmental travesty and was summarily ignored by the EPA?

At the beginning of this year I had the opportunity to visit Viet Nam. We visited the Cuchi Tunnels where the Viet Namese lived to survive the attacks of the superpower. During our tour we were shown a crater caused by a bomb dropped from a plane. I couldn’t help but think that this is not the way to treat our mother. I am not focusing on the four million Viet Namese people whom we killed in the name of freedom, I am merely concentrating on the damage one bomb does to our planet. Sometimes I think that earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, torrential rains, and other natural disasters are the result of Mother Earth saying, “Stop hurting me! If you don’t, I will stop you by showing you who you are dealing with.” The next time you hear about a natural disaster, consider the Earth speaking up, talking back, and standing up for herself in the only way she knows.

The documentary film, “The Fog of War” won the 2004 best documentary film at the Academy Awards. The film is Robert McNamara, secretary of defense under two presidents, Kennedy and Johnson, telling his side of the story, something no other secretary of defense has ever done before. McNamara is also the first person in history to bring together both sides (in 1997) of a war (Vietnam), and try to discover what could have been avoided or learned from those 15 years of bloodshed. Perhaps the film is motivated by his conscience, suffering, or enlightened hindsight, but regardless of what motivated him to make the film, it is an act of courage. He poses the question, “What makes it immoral if you lose the war and moral if you win?” He proposes that “There is something beyond oneself” and he explores responsibility, ethics, and values. He addresses God and spirituality in almost a soul-searching manner. Then later in the film, he addresses the US bombing and burning to death 100,000 Japanese civilians: men, women and children in one night. McNamara’s reflections and thought-provoking questions invite us to examine our beliefs and behaviors.

Do we have the capacity to change the way we resolve conflicts? Do we humans possess the consciousness and capability using diplomacy and negotiating skills, to consider a world that doesn’t always resort to killing to conquer, gain territory, land, power, economic superiority, or to dominate others? So far we have demonstrated our intelligence, creativity, ability, and power to design and implement technological advances in every field except human consciousness, environmental choices, and waging global peace. Why are we so primitive when it comes to caring for our planet and each other?

It takes 9 months to create a baby and one split-second bullet to destroy that life forever. It comes back to exercising our choices. We all have options and choices even when we believe we have none. Even if your personal power comes down to casting one solitary vote for a person who represents your values, consider that power seriously.

Consider being mindful in all your actions. We do have options and choices. Making conscious choices about depositing refuse in the proper receptacle, purchasing products from environmentally conscious companies, recycling whenever possible, and teaching your children how to care for themselves, each other, and our Mother Earth will cause a positive ripple effect. There are hundreds of little acts that you can do everyday to ensure that our Earth is respected, cared for, and honored for future generations whom we will never meet. Ask what you are willing to do to make the difference.

Be mindful of your choices, all of them, and remember…voting counts!

©Motivation Management Holdings, Ltd. 2009

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Are You a Negaholic?

Are you a Negaholic? Answer this series of questions to find out…
1. Do you sometimes have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning?

2. Do you sometimes focus on all the times you blew it and things didn’t work out?

3. Do you often find yourself expecting the worst so as not to be disappointed?

4. Do you sometimes observe yourself feeling anxious when you hear good news in anticipation of the bad that will surely follow?

5. When asked “What do you want?” do you frequently answer “I don’t know”?

6. Do you often hear yourself saying “It doesn’t matter” when you are asked what you want?

7. Do you often find yourself citing your mistakes, blunders, mishaps, and boo-boos in your past as justification for not taking another risk?

8. When imagining a big goal, do you hear the voices in your head saying “You can’t do that…” “You’d never be able to…”?

9. Do you have difficulty being enthusiastic about your “to-do” list?

10. Do you frequently find fault with little things you do?

11. Do you hear yourself putting yourself down re: what you wear, how you walk, what you say?

12. Do you have lists of things you have never accomplished that you use against yourself?

13. Do you have difficulty celebrating your accomplishments?

14. When you start to imagine your goals, do you hear “Who do you think you are?” in your head?

15. When friends compliment you, do you brush it off, dismiss it, or look for an ulterior motive?

16. When you look in the mirror do you often count the gray hairs and wrinkles?

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD EVER…

17. Have the dream home you want?

18. Have the ideal relationship you want?

19. Make the amount of money you want?

20. Have the body you want?

21. Have a job that you enjoy, which is satisfying and rewarding?

DO YOU FREQUENTLY GET ANGRY AT YOURSELF…

22. For spending too much/or being a cheapskate

23. For eating too much

24. For drinking too much

25. For wasting time?

DO YOU FREQUENTLY FEEL…

26. Angry at yourself or others

27. Anxious in general or in specific

28. Confused about what to do

29. Depressed about anything or nothing

30. Hesitant

31. Impatient

32. Insecure

33. Lonely

34. Regretful

35. Unhappy

36. Unloved

37. Worried?

DO YOU SELDOM FEEL…

38. Calm

39. Capable

40. Certain

41. Competent

42. Confident

43. Enthusiastic

44. Happy

45. Joyful

46. Lovable

47. Optimistic

48. Powerful

49. Satisfied?

50. Do you constantly work and strive but rarely experience completion and satisfaction?

ARE YOU A NEGAHOLIC?

Scoring Page

In order to determine the degree to which you are addicted to negaholism, score yourself on the negaholic questionnaire:

– Give yourself 2 points for every “YES” answer between #1 – 15

– Give yourself 2 points for every “NO” answer between #16 – 21

– Give yourself 2 points for every “YES” answer between #22 – 50

Now total your score and find yourself on the scale below.

If your score is:

0 Congratulate yourself for having a high self-image, high self-esteem, and being well on your way to a healthy, full life.

1 -24 A mild case of negaholism. You have very little to worry about. With some affirmations, positive reinforcement, and pats on the back from yourself and loved ones, you will do just fine.

25-40 You have tendencies toward negaholism. It probably runs in your family. If addressed now, you could nip it in the bud. Left unattended, it could grow into something extremely detrimental to your mental health. A consciousness-raising group, a self-esteem workshop, therapy, or self-help groups would be advised. Also read one positive image book per quarter to get yourself on the right track.

41-60 You need to take your condition seriously. Without proper care and attention you will become a certified negaholic. You need some form of positive input each week to turn this condition around. A chart on the wall with stickers and stars, journal writing, listening to audio self-help, positive image tapes in your car or before going to bed, one self-help book per month, and ten daily written acknowledgements will help cure this advanced condition.

61-80 You are in the danger zone. No longer can you cover up, take things in stride, or hope it will all clear up when you lose the weight, get the job, land the relationship, or move to the right place. Face facts: You are seriously addicted, and you need to come to terms with it. You emotionally beat yourself up mercilessly. There is hope, though – you are not a lost cause. The first step is to acknowledge that you are a negaholic and that you will do what it takes to arrest this addiction.

81-100 You are a confirmed negaholic! You need to declare yourself a negaholic, and take daily measures to arrest this addiction. The addiction has grown to be bigger than you. The negativity is so subtle that you hardly even notice it; it pervades your thoughts and feelings. You need an external program in which to detoxify yourself from the negative demon within. Read this book and take action! Start immediately! A new life is waiting for you now – a positive self image is in your future.

©Motivation Management Holdings, Ltd. 2009

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Dealing with Fear

Fear and excitement are two prongs of the same fork. If you take the left road you go down the fear trail, and if you take the right road you go down the excitement trail. Fear is the expectation of unwelcome news. It is the anticipation of consequences that will directly or indirectly negatively impact you, for example danger, risk, or threat. Excitement is the polar opposite. Excitement is the anticipation of good news. It is the expectancy of something wonderful happening to you. For the most part we don’t need to learn how to manage excitement.

There are several types of fear. There is physical fear that you experience when confronted with a menacing animal, an attacker, or risk adverse consequences, like when your parachute won’t open. There is psychological fear that you experience when you consider what might happen if events don’t unfold as you had anticipated. There is the fear of the unknown that causes you to be out of control. There is pure emotional fear that you experience when you go to a horror film. Pinpointing the type of fear is important because that will help in dealing with the effects.

In addition, ask yourself, “Is this a real or imagined fear?” and, if the fear is real, “Can I do anything to control my circumstances?” both of these questions can focus you. If the fear is imagined, then you need to see what you need to do to focus on the positive and exciting aspects of life. Shifting the fear to excitement is possible when you are aware of your thoughts and can choose to change them. If the fear is real, then creating your action plan to move out of the danger zone and into the safety area will abate the fear. What you want to avoid is the paralyzing fear. This is when you know something dreadful is going to happen and you are frozen like a deer looking into headlights. This is unhealthy and can be catastrophic.

With the current state of the US economy, when listening to the media reporting on unemployment, the debt structure, and the corporate bailouts, you might begin to feel fear, especially if you are one of those who has lost…your job, your home, your retirement, your security. Losing in general is a fearful situation.

You want to take each situation one-by-one so that you don’t become overwhelmed. If you become overwhelmed you exacerbate your circumstances with YOU becoming yet another issue on top of all the others. If you lost your job, take a look around and notice which jobs or careers are recession-proof. See if you can spot those opportunities that make sense. For instance, a woman who had been laid off thought, “With all the foreclosures, the banks surely must need someone to clean out those houses.” She approached her local bank and offered her services and was hired. She thought about who might need what, and she put herself in the equation. Even though she had never done this type of work before she was inspired to declare her capability.

Another question you might ask is, “Am I an employee or an entrepreneur?” Employees always need someone to hire them, while entrepreneurs essentially find a need and fill it. If you are an entrepreneur, you will connect the dots while others are fixating on one dot. Employees apply and look for jobs, while entrepreneurs will make lemonade when someone hands them a bag of lemons. With the sale of the lemonade they will buy more lemons, and so forth. Even lemonade stands can turn a profit.

In my book, If Life is a Game, These are the Rules, I tell a story about twin boys who have a birthday and receive the same present. The present is a barn full of manure. The first boy is appalled, makes an ugly face blurts out unpleasant comments to his father and storms away disgusted. The second boy excitedly grabs a shovel and starts digging. When asked why he is so thrilled he says, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!” Therein lies the difference. When you can take a situation and turn it around, you take back the power. You are no longer a victim of your circumstances, nor are you riddled with fear because you have taken action.

The situation is not to be taken lightly, however, not everyone is suffering. Many are and many are not. Ask yourself, ”Do you want to be one who sits in fear of the next disaster or the one who determines to make a change and do something to alter their circumstances? “

Reflective moments are critical to dealing with fear. In review, these are the questions to ask yourself:

Is this a real or imagined fear?
Am I an employee or an entrepreneur?
Which industries are stable, growing, and recession-proof?
Am I willing to see the opportunities?
Am I able to connect the dots?
Do I want to make a change and do something to alter my circumstances?
Am I willing to stop fearing and DO something?
What am I willing to do today to change my situation?

Dealing with fear can be challenging, and the only one who can turn your fear into excitement is you!

©Motivation Management Holdings, Ltd. 2009

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Turning Rejection Into Success

Nobody likes being rejected. Your feelings get hurt, you feel unwanted, unloved, even discarded. You feel lonely, isolated, and not up to the mark.

If being rejected feels so bad, why then, would you want to set yourself up for rejection? You wouldn’t, of course, unless you were masochistic. But wait, aren’t there times when you expect to be turned down? Haven’t you noticed thoughts that tell you that your boss or loved one will never go along with your ideas? Aren’t there incidents, when you believe before you have any evidence, that you will be rejected?

Take a minute and ask yourself, Do you ever:

• tell yourself that you could never date someone because you think he is out of your league (too attractive, too successful, too powerful, too rich),

• tell yourself that you can’t lose the weight that you want, because you don’t have the will power, or because you like food too much,

• tell yourself that you “can’t” enter an athletic competition because you’ve never done it before, or because you don’t want to fail,

• talk yourself out of trying something new because you don’t want to look stupid (i.e., skiing, wind surfing, horse back riding),

Give yourself twenty points for each “yes” answer. If your total score is higher than 40, then you’re probably inviting rejection. This doesn’t mean that you look forward to getting turned down, or that you get a kick out of not getting what you want, but rather that somewhere in your subconscious mind you are setting yourself up for rejection. Maybe you have some beliefs tucked in the corners of your mind which are self-¬defeating. There may very well be some core thought patterns which dictate not only your behavior, but the way others respond to you as well.

You certainly weren’t born with these negative beliefs; they were learned or adopted in situations in which you experienced that you were unable, unworthy, or unlovable. Your decision about yourself may be based upon a misunderstanding, a misperception, or taking yourself to task for the reality with which you were faced. Whatever the reason, as an adult you now have some missing pieces in your self concept.

Your self concept looks like Swiss cheese with holes as vulnerable points of entry which get hooked whenever the past gets triggered. When someone says something to you which links your past experiences, it’s like a fish hook catching hold of one of the holes and dragging up a whole series of incidents complete with their reactions, feelings, and beliefs. Your vulnerable spot, your Achilles heel has just been found out, and you are rendered powerless. Caught in The midst of a past incident, you not only have to deal with the present rejection, but with the past unexperienced traumas as well.

Part of you, as a result of the past, anticipates rejection, and by doing so is actually programming yourself for that which you’re avoiding. It’s a strange and perverse law of the universe, but you attract what you resist. The energy you expend on resisting acts like a magnet drawing to you that which you want to avoid.

When you feel rejected, your instinctive reaction is to cover up and pretend nothing ever happened. You suppress your feelings and act as if everything is fine; you deny and avoid reality: the hurt and the pain. The opposite knee jerk reaction is to fall apart and wallow in the feelings of rejection. You become dysfunctional, and succumb to the tyranny of the feelings. Either one of these responses is counterproductive, they don’t get you what you ultimately want.

Your subconscious rejects yourself first, and then others then mirror your internal response.

This is not to say that external rejection isn’t real, of course it is. If you are in telemarketing or sales, you must become accustomed to people saying “no” frequently. It is essential for you to build up callouses in order for you to do your job.

Learning how to manage your feelings is critical to dealing with rejection, specifically, feelings related to your self worth, and your self esteem. When you reject yourself or feel the pain of being rejected by another, you need to know how to turn the feelings of rejection into validation, positive self regard, and motivation towards success.

In order to manage your emotions effectively, you must be in touch with them. You must be able to feel, experience, and express feelings which are both desirable and undesirable. You must allow your feelings, sort them out, and then turn them into productive allies so that they work for you not against you.
What is rejection after all, but a feeling that you’re not wanted, not loved, not included or not good enough. The essential question is how you can turn rejection into success?

There are three key ways to turn rejection into success. They are:

1) An Attitude Adjustment. An attitude adjustment changes the way you view your situation by reframing the way you look at the facts. You take the current situation in which you feel like a innocent victim, and rewrite the incidents so that you appear to be the author of the scenario. You put yourself in the center of the drama and make yourself the leading man or
woman of the story. You delete any trace of victim, scapegoat, or martyr from your tale. Then you decree that certain incidents happened because you wanted them to happen, almost as if you willed them.

For instance if the man in your life just said “It’s over”, you would probably feel rejected. That would be an appropriate, normal response. The first step is to feel the feelings, and experience them totally: the loss, the hurt, the rejection, the disillusionment, and even the anger. After experiencing the feelings, tell yourself that maybe, just maybe it’s all for the best. Ask yourself how you will benefit from being out of this relationship and what you have learned. Determine what you want to do differently next time.

2.) Situation Alteration. If you are unable to adjust your attitude, or you just don’t want to, then you might pursue situation alteration. In this approach, you don’t change your attitude, you change your circumstances. You still experience and express your feelings, but afterwards you take a different tack. You come back even stronger.

In the situation with your leading man, you don’t accept what he said, and deal with your reactions internally, you respond by telling him what you want. You let him know that this relationship is two sided, and you want to negotiate your differences. You are open to hearing his concerns, issues, objections, and fears, but you are not willing to be issued an edict. If there is a decision to be made, you will make it together.

3) Future Strategizing. If you won’t adjust your attitude, and you can’t alter the situation, then you can strategize for the future. In this approach, you milk the situation for all it’s worth. You feel the feelings, learn the lessons and focus all of your energy on how you can plan for the future. Learning lessons means not having to repeat history. Either you can see it coming and avert it, or you can try on new behaviors which would illicit a different response.

In addition to the three approaches, you might also consider two other hot tips:

Plug Up the Holes. Each time a situation hooks an old hole, it is an opportunity to plug it up. Plugging it up means making it whole and complete so it is no longer available for hooking. There is only one way to plug up a discovered hole and that is with self love, validation, and positive reinforcement.

In addition, give yourself permission to be “imperfect”, to understand that from time to time you will make mistakes. You need to reach out for support when you slide. You cannot overcome old ingrained habits overnight, nor is it fair to expect that from yourself.

Self esteem, the antidote to rejection, is developed and reinforced under the following conditions:
• when you know clearly what you want
• when through your own efforts you cause your desired results to happen
• when you initiate or take action based on your own intrinsic motives, desires, intentions
• when you overcome obstacles and challenges and make the seemingly impossible happen
• when you live up to the standards and expectations you have set for yourself
• when you love yourself for no reason at all

Breaking old behavior patterns takes desire, willingness, courage, and perseverance. Don’t change because someone said you should, but rather try on new behaviors like pieces of clothing. If you like how they look and feel, then wear them more often. If you don’t like the new behaviors, then change them. Don’t get stuck in old ways of operating, most of all experiment!

If you like what you’ve read and would like to read more, visit www.drcherie.com/books.php to find more from author Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott today!

Phone: (800) 321-6342 • www.themms.com • info@themms.com

©Motivation Management Holdings, Ltd. 2009

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Each Setback Provides Valuable Lessons

Excerpted from: If Success Is a Game, These are the Rules,
And written by: Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.

Success and failure are inextricably entwined as the moon and the tide, the mountains and the valleys, and the sunshine and the rain. Just as nature provides a sense of balance in the natural world, the universe provides equilibrium in the human realm through the experiences of highs and lows.

There is sound reason behind the adage that claims you cannot know the sweetness of success unless you have tasted the bitterness of failure. You cannot fully appreciate the joy of fulfillment unless you have traveled through the eye of adversity, been seriously defeated by setbacks, or had the crushing wave of disappointment knock you down so that you actually considered not getting up again.

Nearly every person who has ever succeeded has experienced setbacks. Perhaps they witnessed their dreams shattered, their aspirations scorned and ridiculed, or their goals dashed against the bricks of financial institutions. They have had to deal with frustrations, rejection, and disappointment and learn ways to rebound from their setbacks.

Most of us would prefer an obstacle-free, totally supportive, no-limit life. Who would not rather succeed brilliantly each and every time? But, as most of us are all too aware, life is simply not like that. There are hurdles to cross, roadblocks around which to maneuver, and, at times, setbacks from which to recover.

There will be times as you travel your path that you encounter obstacles. As you make your way, there is always the potential that you will fall, scrape your knees, and perhaps even careen off the embankment. Most likely you will experience moments that look like failure, that feel too overwhelming to face.

The challenge in those moments is to tap your source of determination so that you can pick yourself up, dust off the grit of embarrassment, wounded pride, or shaken confidence, and move forward. Of course, you will need to take the time to process your experience first, so that you may heal properly, and so that you can gain perspective and learn from what happened.

If you are going to succeed in life and consequently be fulfilled, then you must face the disappointments and failures that life deals you and discover the value inherent in them. No one likes disappointments, and no one likes to miss their mark. The wise ones, however, are not the ones who never falter. They are the ones who do and who use those setbacks as opportunities to grow so that they may venture forward toward future success.
©Motivation Management Holdings, Ltd. 2009

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Forgiving Unfulfilled Expectations

Excerpted from: Transformational Life Coaching, and written by:
Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D. and Lynn U. Stewart

An important step in cleaning the vessel is to eliminate anything for which you haven’t forgiven yourself and to resolve all “incompletes” from the past that are hanging over your head. This could involve not living up to your expectations; not being where you’d expected you’d be at a point in your life; taking the easy way out; doing something that isn’t in alignment with your values, morals, or standards; or being dishonest with yourself or someone else. If you have ever digressed from your standards or expectations, then self-forgiveness is required to heal the rift. Self-forgiveness is erasing an emotional debt. The debt you have with yourself is labeled “letting yourself down.” Forgiveness means that you release yourself from the emotional debt of guilt and shame. You officially release yourself from your personal prison. You can do this by writing a letter to yourself or creating absolution in a mirror. However you do this, make sure that you believe the process.

George had some issues with the IRS. He had neglected to pay his taxes for several years, and it hung over his head. When anyone discussed bookkeeping, accounting, or taxes, he immediately became sheepish and found a way to withdraw from the situation. When he heightened his self-awareness, he noticed that his issues with the IRS were keeping him from being connected to himself. He needed to take hold of the situation, address it, and resolve it to complete cleaning the vessel.

Maria always wanted to be a doctor. She went through premed classes, but when she took her MCAT exams, her scores didn’t live up to her expectations. As a result, she did not attend medical school, and she always felt incomplete. For her to clean the vessel, she needed to do one of the following: (1) go back and complete medical school, (2) officially release and absolve herself from this expectation, or (3) create an alternative career path that would fulfill her original objectives in substance if not in form.. It other words, she had to resolve this issue for herself once and for all.

This process of “cleaning the vessel” may sound overwhelming, but it is an ongoing process. Just like eliminating the clutter in your home, cleaning out your in-box, and deleting old e-mails are ongoing processes, eliminating the clutter in your consciousness becomes an integral part of your life. Take on the process one step at a time, and do something each day to eliminate “consciousness clutter.” Anything that appears to be a clothes pin on your consciousness needs to be cleaned out, forgiven, or healed.

If you like what you’ve read and would like to read more, visit our store
to purchase a copy of Transformational Life Coaching today!

©Motivation Management Holdings, Ltd. 2009